


Bombs and Bullets (Flowers and Promises)

by unloyalstan



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, War AU, doctor!jinhwan, fast paced???, soldier!junhoe, yunhyeong is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-26 01:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12546060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unloyalstan/pseuds/unloyalstan
Summary: [D-32]Jinhwan knew better than to fall in love with a soldier in the middle of the war, but he still did.





	Bombs and Bullets (Flowers and Promises)

**Author's Note:**

> Never really satisfied with this one but im posting this anyway before i ended up deleting this. Here's a few notes regarding this:  
> 1\. This was divided into two parts--this is the first part, Bombs and Bullets and the 'kinda' sequel [(Flowers and Promises)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12442170) that was posted earlier.  
> 2\. [(Flowers and Promises)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12442170) was not directly associated with this one. That fic was set on another universe, but it's a sequel on its own way since it has numerous parallel scenes from this one. However, you don't have to read that one to understand this better.

**[D-32]**

Jinhwan knew better than to fall in love with a soldier in the middle of the war, but he still did.

**[D-0]**

It’s chaos; bloodied civilians, crying children and ruined houses. People were crying for help—to save them from bombs and bullets that never ceased since the terrorists declared war against the government. No one expected this, _or rather_ no one expected this to happen soon, and the terrorists took advantage of this state of unpreparedness. They rained ammunitions and grenades on the city, killing and injuring more than a hundred civilians. Everything happened too fast, and just two days after the official start of war, the terrorists successfully conquered the city’s capital—burning the country’s flag and replacing it with their own.

By the time the government decided to take action, the once beautiful and lively city at the north, seems like a filming location of a frightening ghost town movie now.

 

 

**[D-1]**

Jinhwan, along with other doctors from the south—Jeju City, were sent to the north to treat wounded soldiers and civilians. Their job was to give immediate aid, preventing a bigger damage from happening—before sending them off to the hospital on the next city where they could be treated properly. Their camp was an hour ride from the conquered city, hidden inside the forest, and the only near make-shift clinic around the war zone since all hospitals were bombed and destroyed. Their base was surrounded with barbed fences, and guarded with armed soldiers that were constantly patrolling around the area in case the terrorists came near them. The base camp was average in size—there was a trailer that will serve as the doctor’s sleeping quarters, another one at the back part intended for officials’ use only, and the last one near the entrance that will serve as their clinic. Jinhwan doesn’t have the time to look further, since there were badly injured soldiers that were rushed inside already. It’s time to work now.

 

 

**[D-3]**

“Jinhwan, you still okay?” One of his colleagues asked Jinhwan when he spotted him bobbing his head back and forth drowsily while sitting on an uncomfortable looking chair.

Startled, Jinhwan nodded his head a little as he rubbed the sleep off of his eyes. He has to stay awake, in case someone would need his help. His colleague, seeing his pitiful state, could only pat his back and offer him a sympathetic smile. Ever since they came here, they were swamped with injured civilians that were rescued, and soldiers that were placed on the frontline. There were only 10 of them, half of which would work either on day or night shift. Jinhwan was placed on the day shift, but even then, their nights was usually interrupted with frenzied knocks on their quarters whenever there was an emergency, or if they needed more help. They were overworked that he even considered asking for more doctors to lessen the load so they could treat everyone immediately. 

 

 

**[D-7]**

A week of staying at the camp and Jinhwan could finally take a little break. Their patients were not as many as before—there has been a huge decrease of the number of casualties ever since the government deployed troops to counterattack the terrorists. The number of civilians trapped inside the city dwindled to a half, and they were already evacuated into safer places. It was much calmer now compared when they first came to the north. Also, the army gained access on some parts of the city, but the terrorists’ flag was still raised at the capitol, signifying that they still have the most control. 

-

Jinhwan just finished his shift, and he was outside, enjoying the breeze of the night air as it lightly touched his face. He closed his eyes, relishing the rare peace while it lasts. He had taken this for granted before, the gentle gust of the wind and birds chirping—but now, he missed hearing this. He took a deep breath, and for the first time since he came at the base camp, he let a small smile peek at the corner of his lips. It wasn’t that long though, before a sound of a bomb detonating at a distance broke the silence. Jinhwan opened his tired eyes and heaved a sigh.

It’s only been a week since they were assigned at the north but Jinhwan felt like he had treated people more than he ever did when he was still working in a hospital for a month. He had seen dead and injured people to last him a lifetime. Jinhwan loves saving lives, hence why he chose to be a doctor, but his stay at the camp was starting to take a toll on his body.

Jinhwan took a box of unopened cigarette and a lighter from his back pocket. He doesn’t smoke often, only when he’s agitated or tired or when he needed something to calm him down—and he’s been feeling like those right now. He usually just drinks wine, but he can’t afford it right now. He put the cancer stick on his mouth with practiced movements, and was about to light it when a voice interrupted him.

“Smoking is prohibited here.” Jinhwan stilled, and whirled around to look at the direction of the voice. He found a vague silhouette of a man pointing to an obvious ‘No Smoking’ sign near the fence, in which he failed to notice earlier. It's dark from where he's standing, but he could see an outline of a long gun, probably a rifle—he doesn't know, that was hanging on his neck. The man before him could either be a soldier or a terrorist, but a terrorist wouldn’t freely enter a basecamp alone just to warn him about smoking. Embarrassed at being caught, Jinhwan faked a cough and hid his cigarette and lighter back on his pocket.

“You’re a doctor, you should know that it’s bad for your health too.” Jinhwan could detect an obvious teasing lilt on the soldier’s voice. The fact that the man knew that he was a doctor doesn’t go unnoticed. He doesn’t know what to respond to that, so he just chose to ignore him, as he walked past the soldier to go back to their sleeping quarters.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude. Why don’t you stay around for a small talk?” Jinhwan stopped and turned around to face the soldier. Now that he was near, he could finally see him clearly. His eyes scanned the soldier before him, from his dirty and muddy old combat shoes, up to his well decorated shoulders—which only means that he’s a high rank officer, before it finally stopped on his face. His face was quite familiar, and he’s unbelievably handsome to be battling in a war when he could be smiling in front of cameras, earning probably millions because he looked like a goddamn model. With his sharp nose and piercing gaze, as well as his clear sun-kissed skin, ( _which is unfair considering that he was a soldier and they were constantly faced with dirt and mud so how the hell could his skin be that clear?_ )  he could probably charm people on a runway, and not here on a warzone. All in all, this soldier looked like some Greek god in this modern era.

He glanced at the name that was placed on the soldier’s chest. The Adonis in front of him has a name, and it’s Koo Junhwe.

“Done staring?” He smirked at him, and Jinhwan could feel himself blushing for getting caught again. _Way to go_ _Jinhwan._

-

They found a nice place to sit a few steps away from the ‘No Smoking’ sign, which is at the back of their base. They sat on the soft grass, leaning on the huge mahogany tree that overlooked the stars above. They were hidden away from their colleagues, saving themselves from the unnecessary explanation if ever anyone finds them sitting together. There’s a considerable amount of space between them, but Jinhwan still subtly inched away because he doesn’t know if he can fully trust this man yet. He also didn’t know why he accepted the invitation, and even if he’s having second thoughts now, it’s too late. He doesn’t know if the movement was noticed by the said man, and if he did, he’s glad it went unmentioned.

-

Turns out all his suspicions and worries were useless.

Jinhwan found out that Junhwe is a Captain, though he might have had looked skeptical at first because Junhoe fumbled on his pockets just to show his identification card to support his claim. However, Junhoe retrieved it back when Jinhwan began to compare his picture in the card to his face. _(“Yes, yes, you don’t have to feel obligated to say that I looked awkward.”)_ He insisted to be called as Junhoe, instead of Capt. Koo like others. He also found out that he was one of the in command in this area, and Jinhwan vaguely remembered meeting him on their first day at the camp when they were introduced to the officials, which explained why he was familiar.

They surprisingly eased to a comfortable talk. They, _(mostly Junhoe)_ talked about random things on that night, about Junhoe’s life as a soldier and his shenanigans while still on military school. Jinhwan was pleasantly surprise that Junhoe wasn’t a douchebag or an arrogant jerk like he initially thought he would be. On the contrary, Junhoe was easy to talk to, and it’s only their first meeting, but Jinhwan felt like they already knew each other for a long time. They also share the same opinions on a lot of things. His heart was strangely at peace, something that he wouldn’t definitely feel on a complete stranger, especially not in the middle of the war.

Junhoe talked about that one time when he sneaked out to go clubbing because it’s his friend’s birthday, and he’s a loyal friend so he can’t miss his party—only to be caught while going back to their camp. Junhoe ended up running for 50 laps on that day. He also talked about that time when he tripped while marching, because his friend thought it’d be nice to untangle his shoe laces. He accidentally pushed his classmate in front of him, and then it’s like a human domino. Junhoe and his friend cleaned their school bathrooms after as a punishment.

Junhoe continued to tell him interesting stories as Jinhwan laughed at him; not because the story was funny, but because Junhoe looked comical as he re-enacted some scenes for him. Junhoe may be handsome, but he’s a very terrible actor.

Jinhwan enjoyed talking to him, he really did, but it’s getting later and he can’t suppress his yawn any further. Jinhwan shot Junhoe an apologetic smile, and motioned him to continue. However, Junhoe stopped in the middle of his story again after Jinhwan yawned for the fifth time. He told him to get back on his sleeping quarters and get some much-needed rest.

“No, I’m not sleepy yet, continue.” Jinhwan insisted, but when he released another yawn that contradicted his words, Junhoe wordlessly stood up to gently pull him up so he could personally escort him back to his sleeping quarters.

-

Jinhwan slept on that night with a smile on his face.  

 

 

**[D-11]**

Jinhwan kind of forgot about Junhoe after that. It’s not intentional and he really thought about going back there every night, but his duties occupied his whole mind and body. He always instantly dozed off when his back finally hit his mattress after a long tiring day of work. It’s getting hectic on their camp again, and Jinhwan’s team has been treating casualties after casualties. The terrorists were returning all the soldiers’ bullets and air bombs, and the number of killed soldiers was increasing yet again. It’s alarming; just when they all thought that the enemies were losing ammunitions, they planned an ambush attack on one of the army bases inside the city. Reinforcements came to aid them, but they were just caught on the trap that was placed for them.

They didn’t talk until three days later, when the military finally defeated the troops that stayed there. It’s a push and pull situation, and Jinhwan hoped for it to end soon.

Surprisingly, Junhoe was already there when Jinhwan came. He didn’t ask if Junhoe went there for the last days, and he wasn’t asked either. They lapsed into small talks; Junhoe was still bright, but Jinhwan could tell that he was bothered about something. There were dark circles under his eyes, which mirrored Jinhwan’s. He doesn’t want to pry, thinking that it’s a private matter, and so Jinhwan talked about his life this time, as Junhoe listened.

Jinhwan talked about the hospital where he previously worked at, before he was deployed at the north. They were a family of musicians and both of his parents were on Jeju’s Orchestra. He talked about how his parents initially rejected his dream of becoming a doctor since they wanted him to continue playing the trumpet, and how they eventually came around to support his dream.

Junhoe told him that he used to be a singer on their school band, but it was broken off when he went to the military academy. He then asked him if he ever regretted not continuing his music career, because truthfully, Junhoe didn’t.

“No. I love to help. Once, I went on a school related medical mission as a requirement. At first, I was slightly annoyed since I also have a music class scheduled on that day, but then I found myself enjoying it. I watched how people thanked the doctors for helping them. It fascinates me. I thought that I wanted to be like them too. I wanted to help people and it truly feels nice to see them smile again.”

Jinhwan graduated at the top of his class in a prestigious medical school. He immediately worked after graduation while volunteering on a few charities on his free time. Jinhwan reminisced the first time he failed to revive a patient, and how devastated he was after.

Jinhwan’s stories wasn’t as funny as Junhoe’s, but Junhoe still listened attentively, looking as interested as ever, even if Jinhwan rambled about some uncommon medical terms. Junhoe never gave any sign that he was bored or sleepy, even if the night started to get deeper.

-

His heart shouldn’t skip a beat when Junhoe escorted him back again on that night, but it still did.

 

 

**[D-12]**

On the next day, Jinhwan started to receive flowers. They were placed on his table, along with a simple ‘ _For Jinan’_ scribbled on a piece of paper in a messy handwriting. He checked his table, but there were not a single name or clue left to identify the sender. They were mostly wild flowers—some unknown to him while some familiar ones, something that could definitely be found at the forest, and judging by the poor state of the stems, they were handpicked. Nonetheless, they were still beautiful.

Yunhyeong, Jinhwan’s friend and one of the doctors that was also assigned in their camp, was bugging him about the name of the secret sender. Jinhwan shrugged, because he honestly didn’t know who it was. He has someone in mind though, but he doesn’t want to get his hopes up yet.

He read the simple card again, and found himself blushing because of the nickname given.

Jinhwan placed the flower in between the pages of his favorite book. He looked at it for a while—contemplating for a bit.

“Dr. Kim! We need some help here!”

Jinhwan stared at the flowers some more, before closing the book and putting it back on his bag. The flowers can wait.

-

Jinhwan could feel eyes on him throughout the whole day, but there’s a person that was bleeding out in front of him. “ _Ignore. Focus.”,_ he repeated it like a mantra. They were in the middle of a war, and he had duties to fulfill. He can’t let himself be distracted.

-

It’s a very bad idea—the worst of all. Jinhwan knew that he was dead tired and he really should be sleeping right now, but for some reason, he was outside. He’s blaming it on his non-existent decision-making skills whenever he’s exhausted. His feet led him back to the place where he and Junhoe last talked. “ _I need some fresh air.”_ , he convinced himself. “ _It has a nice view and I need to look at the stars tonight.”_ At the back of his mind though, a voice was telling that what he needed the most right now was sleep, and he was looking for a certain soldier. He ignored it, because he really needed to stargaze. Yeah, that’s all to it.

He didn’t know why he felt disappointed when no one was around. Well, no one in their right mind would aimlessly roam around the base at midnight, except Jinhwan himself. Suddenly, he doesn’t want to go stargazing anymore.

“Are you looking for me?” Jinhwan jerked at the voice that came out of nowhere. The soothing, husky voice sounds exactly from someone he knew. He turned around, slowly, and sure enough, he was standing there, on the exact same place when they first met.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Junhoe came forward and went to stand before him. Jinhwan thanked all the gods that it was quite dark, or else Junhoe would see how red he was.

“I don’t know. Why are you still awake too?” Junhoe shrugged and then there’s silence.

“You want to talk again?” Jinhwan nodded almost eagerly, and yeah—he was shit at making decisions.

 

 

**[D-13]**

Jinhwan woke up inside their cabin with a noisy Yunhyeong shouting unintelligible words right on his ears. He tried to turn around, covering his ears with his pillows to block the noises and to get more sleep. The noises stopped for a bit, then it was replaced with fingers poking on his sides.

“Okay okay. I’m awake now. Shut up Yunhyeong.” Jinhwan sat up abruptly, almost bumping his head on Yunhyeong’s along the way. Yunhyeong flicked his forehead, grinning widely when Jinhwan scowled back at him.

“What do you want?” Jinhwan didn’t bother to hide his annoyance on his voice. Yunhyeong was usually calm and matured so he didn’t know why he was acting like this. He would probably care for the reason later, but not right now.

“We won’t be up until—” he paused to check the small clock that was hanging on their wall, “—an hour Yunhyeong!” He screeched. It’s only 6:30 in the morning, and their shift starts at 8. He wasn’t really this bitchy at mornings, he was normally passive but this, to be rudely awoken with a hyper Yunhyeong smiling down at him like the goddamn sunshine boy that he is, is bringing all the bad sides out of him.

“So… he’s the one who gave you flowers right?”

“What?” Jinhwan’s mind was still fuzzy from sleep and currently, Yunhyeong was not making any sense.

“You know, Captain Koo?” Yunhyeong was obviously teasing him, nudging his shoulders and wriggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. Jinhwan ignored it, and went to lie back to sleep. Yunhyeong fortunately didn’t bother him again, and he was glad. A minute passed and when the weight of Yunhyeong’s words finally sank on his mind, sleep was completely out of his system.

“How do you know him?!” Jinhwan asked, alarmed. He sat abruptly again, and this time, he bumped his head on Yunhyeong’s. Yunhyeong glared at him as he rubbed the sore spot on his forehead. Jinhwan was in pain too, but he ignored it because there were more pressing matters that should be addressed. He didn’t remember telling anyone about Junhoe and their late-night talks.

“Oh, right. You were sleeping like a log last night.” He would have had hit Yunhyeong again for beating around the bush and teasing him so much but right now, he needed answers. Violence could be done after.

Yunhyeong was back to wriggling his brows at him, smiling like a fool, and Jinhwan was prepared to strangle Yunhyeong at any moment. But then again, he needed answers.

“Captain Koo brought you here last night. I was wondering where you are, but then he came knocking on our door with you sleeping soundly on his arms.”

Right. They were together last night and Jinhwan was so exhausted he must have had fallen asleep on him while Junhoe was talking. _How embarrassing._

“I saw his hands and there were several small cuts, so I’m assuming he’s also the one who gave you those flowers?”

Jinhwan groaned out loud. Going there last night was definitely a bad idea.

 

 

**[D-17]**

No words were exchanged when they depart, except for a small _‘See you again?’_ from the soldier. Jinhwan would like to believe that it was due to Junhoe’s expectant face whenever he said those words, but if he was being completely honest with himself, he would say that he was starting to get attached to the soldier. He was starting to lower his walls down unknowingly, letting himself feel things when he clearly shouldn’t. This seems so wrong, but talking to Junhoe feels like everything was right.

He was aware of the consequences that comes with growing attached to Junhoe, and even if he knew that it was a terrible idea, it doesn’t deter him from coming back on the same place every night. Or on the succeeding nights after.

 

 

**[D-20]**

When the nickname _June_ slipped out of Jinhwan’s mouth—almost intimate and sweet—he was horrified at himself. But then, he saw how Junhoe ducked his head in embarrassment and how he significantly flushed under the moonlight. He forced himself not to surge forward to pinch Junhoe’s cheeks for acting so cute, instead, he opted to lean his head on Junhoe’s shoulder, sighing contentedly. Now that Jinhwan thought about it, it’s their first ever physical contact since meeting each other. _(the time when Junhoe carried him to bed wasn’t counted because he was sleeping)_ Junhoe visibly tensed at the foreign touch, but then after a few beats, he eventually relaxed. Junhoe was a warm and solid pillar against him, and Jinhwan tried not to think of anything, nor on the arm that carefully snaked on his sides after.

 

 

**[D-21]**

Junhoe wasn’t there when Jinhwan came. He waited, because he may have been too early than the usual since he immediately went straight to their meeting place after eating with his colleagues. Half an hour already passed but Junhoe was still nowhere to be found. As he sat on the soft grass, his mind began to make up a thousand possible reasons that would account for Junhoe’s absence, but the thought that he may have had scared the younger off yesterday seems like the most probable reason. He was beating himself up for making a mistake with his head hung low, when a pair of combat shoes stopped in front of him. He dragged his eyes up, and there he was, a panting Junhoe who was smiling sheepishly down at him. The soldier dropped himself on the ground, leaning his body slightly on a still bewildered Jinhwan.

“I’m sorry. Our meeting ended late.” Junhoe was still trying to catch his breath from running, as Jinhwan continued to stare.

“I said I’m sorry, didn’t I?” Junhoe lightly pinched Jinhwan’s nose, which seemed to snap him out of his thoughts. Jinhwan grumbled things under his breath as he looked away, cheeks a tad bit warm from the unexpected attack. Junhoe laughed at him, shoulders shaking at the intensity of it when Jinhwan petulantly refused to look at him. Junhoe’s laugh is infectious, and he soon found himself laughing along with him. Seeing Junhoe all smiley and happy made Jinhwan’s heart flutter with relief and some other emotion that he refused to acknowledge.

 

 

**[D-26]**

It’s Jinhwan’s almost fourth week at the camp and the third week since Jinhwan started to meet Junhoe regularly. It became a nightly ritual for them, to meet at the back of the base on the big Mahogany tree after Jinhwan’s shift. No matter how tired they both were, that wouldn’t stop them from going. Sometimes, they would talk about each other’s day—which is not much considering they were busy with fulfilling their respective duties. They have an unwritten rule that they can’t talk when the sun is up, so these nightly talks were highly appreciated.

Sometimes, they would just sit there, comfortable silence enveloping them both as they leaned on each other. When they were together, Jinhwan momentarily forgot about the chaos out there, or the sound of bullets resonating at the distance. It was not as loud as before, and they were receiving less patients. Jinhwan hoped that the war was nearing its end. He feels safe when he’s with Junhoe, and Jinhwan could hear warning signals going off on his mind because this is bad and he shouldn’t be feeling like this, not on someone he met just three weeks ago, and definitely not on an army soldier. But Jinhwan has always been shit at decisions, so he let his heart beat a little faster when he’s with Junhoe.

 

 

**[D-30]**

Jinhwan didn’t talk about the flowers that he was still receiving twice a week, and neither did Junhoe. He didn’t say anything when Junhoe’s fingers cautiously curled against his one night, as if giving him time to pull away. Jinhwan just held his hand tighter— Junhoe encasing his small hand on his big and rough ones.

He kept his silence, because this feels nice, and he feels safe whenever he’s with Junhoe. Jinhwan likes hearing Junhoe talk, because his voice sounds soothing on his ears—the rasp feels like a lullaby. He also didn’t say anything, when Junhoe pulled their clasped hand to kiss his hand when he thought that he was sleeping. He didn’t say anything, because he’s afraid to ruin what they currently have. Whatever set-up or arrangement they have was nice—more than nice, and Jinhwan was going to savor this until it lasts. He doesn’t know when this wonderful dream will end though, and he doesn’t want to think about it either. He slept against Junhoe’s broad shoulders, as Junhoe played with his little fingers.

 

 

**[D-32]**

A month of their stay at the base, and Jinhwan was getting dangerously attached and used to in living there. It’s scaring him, how he yearns for Junhoe’s laugh, smile, voice and presence. It’s scaring him how much he looked forward at night, because that’s the only time where they could be together. The only time where they could pretend that they were not a Doctor or a Captain in the middle of the war.

“So, what is your relationship with Captain Koo now?” Jinhwan froze at the unexpected question, turning his back against his friend to sort out the already organized medicine shelves.

“I don’t know.” He replied curtly. He honestly didn’t know, because aside from the flowers, nightly meetings, cuddling and occasional hand holdings, nothing was clear yet. Everything was nebulous so he doesn’t want to hurt himself by thinking about. He was confused—he likes Junhoe, he could finally accept it without freaking out unlike before _, (or maybe he even ‘loves’ Junhoe; this notion scared him more_ ). He’s been falling deeper and deeper for the said man, which was definitely not hard at all considering that Junhoe was an attractive young man, has a sense of humor, gentleman and thoughtful. He was falling for him as weeks passed by, and he can’t stop himself—not that he was even trying in the first place. He’s been thinking of other things though, like imagining themselves having dates; coffee dates on a cute cafe downtown, watching romantic movies—but whenever he looked at the dying patient in front of him, or on Junhoe’s military badge that shines whenever light reflects on it at night, he knows that those thoughts will just remain as thoughts. This is just a mere fantasy, a borrowed happiness, and sooner or later, they will wake up from their beautiful dream.

“You don’t know?”

“I was deployed here as a Doctor, and he’s the in-command here. We were never meant to be together, at least not at this place, and,” Jinhwan paused, overcome with all the repressed thoughts and worries that he managed to store away at the back of his mind. He knew this confrontation will happen soon, and he wasn’t ready for it. Frankly, he will never be ready for this.

He was never this fragile before, so breakable, but ever since he came in this camp, he’s been feeling a lot less of himself.

“I never could have imagined myself falling for him this hard when I met him weeks ago. But I still did. My heart stubbornly beats for him.” He added in a soft voice. Somehow, his heart feels lighter, now that he had admitted it out loud. A month apparently, was enough for people to fall in love.

“Whatever we have right now, is temporary. It won’t last.” Jinhwan swallowed the lump on his throat, and blinked the unshed tears on his eyes. This is the truth, but it doesn’t hurt any less.

“Is that what you really think Jinan?” Yunhyeong and Jinhwan rapidly turned their heads at the direction of the voice, surprised. They found Junhoe standing in front of the door, holding a bunch of freshly picked flowers on his hands. Jinhwan’s heart falls.

“Junhoe I—”

“You think this was temporary? My feelings for you was temporary?” Junhoe’s face was etched with hurt and betrayal. He was crumpling the stems on his hands, and Jinhwan’s heart constricted at the sight. Jinhwan hesitated, mouth closing and opening repeatedly, unable to form a coherent sentence that would answer Junhoe. If it’s possible, Junhoe looked broken than he already is upon seeing Jinhwan’s hesitance, and before they know it, Junhoe already turned his back at them, dropping the flowers on the ground.

“Junhoe!”

Jinhwan stepped forward to follow the said man, but another colleague suddenly blocked his way while panting. A new batch of injured patients just came in, and they needed to work.

Jinhwan looked at Junhoe’s retreating back, and he never knew it will hurt this much to watch him walk away. Yunhyeong came up to pat his back sympathetically, before handing him his stethoscope. He looked at the instrument in his hands, and he remembered that he’s a Doctor deployed on a war. He clutched it, gripping it tightly on his hands, as if the pressure would erase everything that happened. He then went to follow his colleague, with Yunhyeong trailing after him. Just as always, his duties came first, so he pushed whatever he’s feeling at the back of his mind.

-

Jinhwan was always looking forward to their nightly meetings, hoping for his shift to end and the sun to set, but this time, his heart was filled with dread. He didn’t know if Junhoe will still be there at their usual meeting place, or if he was too mad to even show up. Jinhwan was getting restless; his shift ended an hour ago and he was usually already out at this time, but not tonight. This is his way out, his only chance to save himself from the impending heartbreak that would probably happen in the future—but whenever he closed his eyes, he could only see Junhoe’s hurt expression from earlier. His eyes caught sight of the book where the first flowers that he received from Junhoe were pressed into. He stared at it; clenched his fist, before standing up to head outside.

Think with your brain and not with your heart, they say, but not on this one, not when Junhoe is worth everything.

-

Junhoe was already there when he arrived, with his slouched back facing him. The said soldier looked extra tired lately, and Jinhwan felt even guiltier for stressing him more. He carefully sat beside him— Junhoe still had his eyes at the distance, but Jinhwan could tell that he was as nervous as he is, judging by the way his muscles tensed up when their shoulder came in contact. Jinhwan laid his head on Junhoe’s shoulders like he would usually do, and he was glad when Junhoe finally relaxed at his touch.

A few minutes already passed, but no one dared to break the silence. Jinhwan wanted to say everything, to let all his feelings out, but he was too afraid to voice out his thoughts. He wanted to say sorry, to say that he likes him, and he’s hurt because he knows that they won’t be together at the end, will they? They were sitting side by side, but Jinhwan feels like Junhoe was miles away.

Jinhwan lifted his head from Junhoe’s shoulders, and it seemed to snap Junhoe on his thoughts. Junhoe looked at him for the first time tonight, and just when he thought that he would finally say something, Junhoe diverted his eyes to look at the distance again. Jinhwan prepared to leave, because clearly, they were both not ready to talk, but a voice stopped him.

“I like you.”

It’s soft against the sound of bombs and bullets in the background, but Jinhwan heard it loud and clear. Junhoe’s expression was neutral—any traces of emotions were effectively hidden underneath his façade of being calm, but when he glanced down, Junhoe’s hand were slightly shaking as he fiddled with the hem of his uniform. Just before Jinhwan completely comprehends on what he was about to do, he was already reaching out for Junhoe’s trembling hand to encase it on his own. Junhoe looked at him surprised, and Jinhwan never saw him look this vulnerable before. Junhoe is tired, funny and tough, but to see the look of uncertainty in his eyes replacing the usual brightness and confidence that it once held, pains Jinhwan. He’s the cause of this, and Jinhwan wanted to cry.

“I’m sorry,” Jinhwan replied, and he watched as Junhoe’s face fell. Jinhwan realized his mistake immediately after, so he tightened his hold on Junhoe’s hand before continuing, “I’m sorry I didn’t consider your feelings and just went ahead with mine. I--” Jinhwan paused to take a big breath, “I like you too.” He whispered, as he lowered his head to wait for Junhoe’s answer. He really shouldn’t be encouraging this, he could walk away, pretend that the past month didn’t happen, but it’s too late and he’s already way too deep. The soldier already meant so much to him. He won’t allow himself to let him go.

Junhoe suddenly unclasped his hands from Jinhwan’s, and Jinhwan snapped his head up, afraid. Junhoe pulled him forward to envelope him on a tight hug, and just with that, all of his worries and questions vanished away. Jinhwan burrowed his head at the crook of Junhoe’s neck, melting onto Junhoe’s warmth. Jinhwan felt like a huge weight was lifted off from his heart, and he could finally breathe again.

“We’ll make this work, I promised.” Junhoe told him on that night, voice firm and confident. Junhoe sounded so sure, so Jinhwan let himself to believe in him.

-

They shared their first ever kiss under the same big Mahogany Tree. It’s chaste and sweet; the sound of bullets and bombs are a terrible replacement for fireworks, but Junhoe’s plump lips is soft and warm against his and for now, it’s the only thing that matters.

 

 

**[D-36]**

After a few days, nothing was changed drastically with the way they acted around each other, except Jinhwan could tell that Junhoe was stressed over something. He always tried to ask what was wrong, but Junhoe would just brush it off saying that it’s nothing.

“It’s just that my friends kept on teasing me, asking me about my whereabouts whenever I’m out.”

Jinhwan knew that he was lying, but he just let him be; Junhoe would talk about it if he’s ready.

 

This time, it’s Jinhwan who wrapped his arms around Junhoe. He debated kissing Junhoe’s cheek for a second to somehow lift his mood up, before deciding to just go with it.

Junhoe’s smile after the innocent kiss was beyond beautiful.

 

 

**[D-40]**

“I already noticed you when your group first arrived here. I was looking at you, but you were looking at something else.” Junhoe spoke out of nowhere, and Jinhwan hummed softly, prompting Junhoe to continue.

“I tried to make you notice me for a week, but you and I were both busy so I eventually gave up. It’s tough luck that I saw you outside, almost smoking on a restricted area.” Junhoe laughed a little, and Jinhwan punched his arm playfully. He remembered their first meeting as if it was just yesterday. Jinhwan was embarrassed for being caught, but thinking of it now, he was glad that he did it. He scooted closer to Junhoe’s side and Junhoe wrapped his arms around him, his body heat radiating off and warming Jinhwan against the cold breeze.

“I invited you for a talk, remember? I thought we had fun on our first meeting so I came back again on the next day, hoping you’ll be there too. You weren’t there though, and I waited for days for you to come back. I was starting to think that I’m giving myself false hope by waiting, so I promised myself that if you’re still not there on the fourth day, I’ll give up. But you came back on that night, and I wanted to hope again. Thank you for coming back here.”

“That meeting was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.” Junhoe whispered after a while, voice weak and soft, but still with a hint of his usual warmth.

Jinhwan didn’t answer him back verbally, though he also wrapped his arms on Junhoe’s torso, and he knew that it’s enough for Junhoe to know that he feels just the same.

 

 

**[D-45]**

Junhoe was getting quieter, Jinhwan noted. He seemed often deep in his thoughts, and Jinhwan had no idea why because Junhoe refused to say anything no matter how much he pestered him to talk. They were sitting at their usual place, cuddled up under Jinhwan’s small blanket. _(When Jinhwan first brought his blanket with him, Junhoe teased him about it for the entire night.)_

“You sing, right? Sing for me?” Jinhwan blurted out of the blue, as he lied down on the grass, placing his head on Junhoe’s strong thighs, making it his make-shift pillow. He made himself comfortable, before focusing his attention back on Junhoe.

“Sang.” Junhoe corrected, as he absentmindedly played with Jinhwan’s hair. The touch is soothing and made Jinhwan drowsy.

“Doesn’t matter. Sing?” Jinhwan heard Junhoe released a sigh, along with a grumble on how demanding he is, and he instantly knew that his request will be granted.

-

Jinhwan lets Junhoe’s husky voice fill his ears; let the familiar love song slowly lull him to sleep. He doesn’t know if Junhoe’s voice has magic, because it muted the distant sounds of bullets and bombs in the background, until all that he can hear is his voice.

 

 

**[D-47]**

Home is where your heart is, something that Jinhwan doesn’t intend to find whilst in a middle of a war. He feels like he’s home whenever he’s with Junhoe, wrapped inside his protective embrace, basking in his warmth and affection. This is his home, and he doesn’t ever want to leave.

 

 

**[D-50]**

 Jinhwan was doing all the talk lately, but he doesn’t mind. He minds, though, the ever-present frown on Junhoe’s face when he thought that he wasn’t looking. The distant sounds of war don’t sound that distant anymore, so Jinhwan puts two and two together and came up with a possible reason.

“Does the situation look bad?” Junhoe doesn’t answer, but it only confirms Jinhwan’s suspicion.

“Is that why you were troubled lately?” Still silence. “You don’t have to come here if you were needed there, you know. Or you can just rest if you are tired. I won’t miss you.” At the end of his sentence, a small smile was already formed at the corner of Junhoe’s lips.

“I like being here.” _With you._

The answer was simple, but it made Jinhwan’s heart flutter anyway. Jinhwan can’t see himself, though he’s sure that he’s as red as a tomato.

“It’s Christmas next month, right? What do you want? I can’t be sure that I could give you the best gift but I’ll try my be—” Flustered and obviously embarrassed, Jinhwan began to ramble about random things, pretending that he didn’t hear anything, only to be cut off with an unexpected kiss.

“Can you be my gift? Can I have a date with you please?”

Jinhwan hoped that the sound of bullets and bombs are enough to mask Junhoe’s cry when he pinched him on his sides after.

 

 

**[D-52]**

Their team has been receiving a lot of casualties—the head count doubled in just a span of two days. It’s alarming, because almost every hour, a fresh batch of wounded soldiers were sent on their camp. The sound of bombs going off sounded so much nearer too and they tried not to be afraid but it’s hard when it’s clear that everything was getting worse. Their head doctor finally asked the officials to deploy more doctors in their camp, only to be rejected.

For the first time on that night, Jinhwan was sitting alone under the Mahogany Tree. Jinhwan was lying, because he did miss Junhoe.

 

 

**[D-53]**

Jinhwan didn’t know that it’s possible to be busier than yesterday. If this continued on, he’s sure that they’ll be out of medicine supplies soon _(and energy)_. Jinhwan glanced around and everyone was as busy as they were. Some soldiers were running, and he vaguely recognized Junhoe among the troops. He didn’t meet him for a night but Junhoe already looked so worn out. He has his eyebrows furrowed at the center, and with the way he constantly brushed his hair back—he’s mad. It’s Jinhwan’s first time to see Junhoe so agitated. He was talking to one of another high ranked officer, and the officer was mirroring Junhoe’s expression. Suddenly, a pained shout from one of his patients brought him back to reality.  He sneaked a glance at Junhoe’s direction, but the soldier was already gone. Jinhwan tried to focus on that day, stopping himself from thinking of a certain Captain again as he poured alcohol and stitch wounds on their patients.

-

Despite Jinhwan’s body screaming for him to just sleep and rest, he still went to their meeting place. Junhoe was nowhere to be seen, and Jinhwan tried his hardest not to feel disappointed. Still, instead of heading back to his quarters, he sat and leaned on the tree.

-

Jinhwan was jolted awake. He didn’t even realize that he fell asleep. Mind still muddled with sleep and exhaustion, it took him a few minutes to register that his head was on a sleeping Junhoe’s lap, who’s leaning on the tree in an uncomfortable position. Junhoe’s hand was burrowed on his hair and probably fell asleep while combing his locks. Jinhwan removed his hand carefully, as to not wake him up, before sitting up. It’s only been two days since he last saw Junhoe but he honestly missed the soldier so much. Even on his sleep, Junhoe was frowning, so Jinhwan brought his hand up to caress his face until his frown was replaced with a small smile. He stared at him wistfully, before Jinhwan leaned close until their faces were mere inches apart. Despite the bags on his eyes, Junhoe looked so beautiful up close. His tall nose, his long and dark lashes, his high cheeks, unblemished sun kissed skin—overall, Junhoe is gorgeous and charming and he honestly didn’t know why someone like him could take interest on him. Jinhwan closed his eyes, before leaning forward to lose the remaining distance between them to softly peck the sleeping soldier’s lips.

Embarrassed by his actions, Jinhwan moved back immediately, but a hand was suddenly placed on his neck to keep him from moving away. Jinhwan opened his eyes, and was met with Junhoe’s own ones. Junhoe tilted his head to the side, prompting Jinhwan to do the same to deepen the kiss. Putting his embarrassment aside, Jinhwan closed his eyes again, letting himself melt on Junhoe’s kiss.

There was something with the way Junhoe kissed him tonight.

 

 

**[D-55]**

“What are we June?”

“We can be whatever you wanted us to be.”

It’s straight out of a movie line—a cliché answer on his equally cliché question, but he accepts it anyway. Junhoe hugs him tighter.

The sounds were much nearer, and Jinhwan wondered, if it’s almost time to wake up from this beautiful dream.

**[D-59]**

Jinhwan was sleeping when a series of hurried knocks woke him up. He just got back from their meeting place after Junhoe failed to show up again. He was too exhausted to even move so he kicked Yunhyeong to open the door. Yunhyeong flashed him the middle finger after falling down from his bed.

When the door was opened, they were expecting new patients but was surprised when Yunhyeong was forcefully pulled outside. Hearing his friend’s screech, Jinhwan stood up, only to be yanked outside too.

Once outside, Jinhwan met the other doctors who was also abruptly pulled from their quarters. He asked them if they knew what’s happening, but they were just as clueless as they all are. They all didn’t have the time to grab their belongings, but fortunately, the soldiers brought their bags for them. A group of soldiers were surrounding them, and Yunhyeong asked one of them about the current situation.

“The terrorists are nearing our camp. We need to evacuate all of you before they arrive here.”

Upon hearing the reply, Jinhwan immediately thought of Junhoe. He could now understand why he was getting so stressed lately, or the sudden increase of casualties that their team has been receiving for the past days. Some of his colleagues were frozen with fear, but some were like Yunhyeong who was already on the verge of tears. Jinhwan squeezed Yunhyeong’s shoulders to calm him down, and that seemed like a bad idea because Yunhyeong started to let the tears fall from his eyes. Jinhwan was afraid too, but the worry that he has for Junhoe overtook his emotions.

 “Where is Junhoe?” The soldier just looked at him blankly, and Jinhwan tried not to snap at him.

“Captain Koo? Where is he?”

The soldier just shook his head in response. Jinhwan was about to say something again when Yunhyeong’s hand pulled him back. He sat back down dejectedly. Jinhwan could do nothing but to pray for Junhoe’s safety.

-

Half an hour later, the soldiers started to move them again. This time, they didn’t have the time to ask because they were running, dragged to the direction outside the camp. The soldiers have a bruising grip on their arms as to not lose any of them. The other soldiers that were not with them were going back and forth, carrying weapons and bullets somewhere. The severity of the current situation was apparent; everything was in chaos, and the sound of ammunitions were deafening.

After a few minutes of running, the soldier hastily guided them to a waiting Military Car that was hidden behind the trees. A bomb goes off a few kilometers from them, shaking the ground underneath their feet. They waited in tense silence for a possible follow up attack, and when the coast was clear, the soldiers helped them climb up urgently without a word. They were preparing to leave but Jinhwan still haven’t seen Junhoe. Jinhwan can’t leave without even talking to Junhoe.

Once sure that everyone was in the vehicle, the soldiers signaled the driver to start the engine. Suddenly, Junhoe’s figure squeezed through the troop of soldiers.  

“Junhoe!” Jinhwan let the tears finally fall from his eyes. His heart was flooded with relief when he saw that Junhoe was still safe and alive. He wanted to jump back down, but the soldiers blocked his way. Jinhwan cried harder.

“I’m going to court you properly once this is over! I’ll find you! Wait for me!” Junhoe was shouting, but Jinhwan could barely hear him against the sound of ammunitions and bombs. Jinhwan could barely hold himself up, Yunhyeong supporting him as his entire body shook with each sob.

“I will! I will!” Jinhwan fiercely shouted back, but his voice was drowned out when the engine roared to life. Jinhwan should have expected this to happen soon, but rationality was lost when people fall in love. He chose to get involve with a soldier, and now he was paying for the price. Do they love just to experience separation?

“See you!!” Jinhwan shouted one last time. He doesn’t care if they’re making a scene, or judged by the people around them. That was what Junhoe always say whenever he was escorted back, but unlike now, he wasn’t sure if he’ll ever see him again.

Junhoe was smiling at him, but the corners of his lips were quivering in an attempt to hold his emotions back. Junhoe’s smile has always been beautiful, and Jinhwan wished to see it again soon.

Their vehicle started to move away— Jinhwan watched with tears-blurred eyes as Junhoe’s figure became smaller and smaller. He slumped back inside the car, ignoring the pitiful looks sent on his way. Jinhwan left the camp, along with a piece of his heart to the man who completes it.

_I’ll wait for you._

 

 

**[D-68]**

Junhoe told Jinhwan to wait for him, so he did. He promised that he’ll be back, so Jinhwan believed him. He watched the news every day to get updates about the situation at the north, but there were no news regarding Junhoe’s troop. His colleagues were already back from their usual routines, except Jinhwan.  Each passing day without any updates about Junhoe; Jinhwan was slowly filled with dread.

Jinhwan opened the book that contained the flowers—Daffodils—his only reminder of Junhoe and their fleeting romance.

 

 

**[D-79]**

When Jinhwan met Junhoe again after weeks, it’s Jinhwan’s turn to give him flowers. He watched as more flowers were thrown, as Junhoe’s coffin descended down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**[D-99]**

“Hello Yunhyeong? Could you please help me cover my remaining shift later?”

“But it’s Christmas day!”

“I know, but just a couple of hours and I’ll be back. Please?”

“What will you even do at that time?”

“I have a date.”

“Oh.”

There’s silence behind the line, before Yunhyeong’s voice went softer.

“I’m glad for you Jinhwan-hyung, you deserve to be happy after all. Have fun on your date and come back whenever.”

“Thank you Yunhyeong, I owe you this one.”

-

The guard smiled at him when he recognized Jinhwan by the gates. He went there enough times to be a familiar face with the staff. The guard, Chanwoo as he recalled, offered him to accompany him, in which Jinhwan politely declined.

His feet led him to a place that he already knew by heart. He stopped in front, before placing his things on the ground.  

“Hi, I’m back again. I asked you before about the gift that you wanted, and now I’m here. I don’t know about the date part of your wish, but I bought ddeokbokki and chicken with me. I hoped it’s enough.”

A tear fell onto the tombstone, then followed by another and another.

“Merry Christmas June.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

+

**[D-12]**

_“Do you believe in reincarnation Junhoe?”_

_“I do.”_

_“Would we still meet even though there isn’t a war and we aren’t a doctor and a soldier? Maybe you can be an idol singer, and I’ll be a successful trumpet player. Or you could be an ant or just a leaf! Who knows?” Jinhwan mumbled sleepily while Junhoe just laughed at him. He watched as Jinhwan repeatedly blinked, trying his best to stay awake. Junhoe looked away because Jinhwan was being cute and he don’t know if he can handle it. He can handle a bullet or any wounds, but his heart can’t handle Jinhwan._

_“I believe in fate and destiny. And if they’re not on our side, I will just find you. We’ll meet again. I’ll make sure of that.” Junhoe replied thoughtfully after a while, but all he received was soft snores. He turned to look at Jinhwan again and sure enough, he was already fast asleep—head lolled back in an uncomfortable position that would surely hurt his neck when he wakes up tomorrow. Junhoe stared at Jinhwan’s peaceful sleeping face, then briefly on his watch, before scooping the said doctor carefully on his arms to bring him back to his sleeping quarters._

_-_

_It took him a few kicks on the door before a scowling, sleepy doctor opened the door for him. Junhoe bowed slightly to address him and began to wordlessly enter their quarters to place Jinhwan on his bunk. He covered him with his blanket, and once sure that Jinhwan was settled, bid goodbye to the still gawking doctor at the front door._

_-_

_Junhoe chose to ignore the playful remarks of the other officers when he went back smiling on his sleeping quarters on that night._

_“Eyy, are you meeting someone secretly?”_

_Junhoe grinned at them, eyes turning into crescents and lips stretched out at the corner of his face. He turned around, once satisfied at the disapproving faces of his friends._

_“Stop smiling so much, you’re creeping us out.”_

_-_

_Junhoe knew better than to fall in love with an army doctor in the middle of the war, but he still did._

**Author's Note:**

> I hate leaving this angsty tbh that's why I made up my mind and wrote (Flowers and Promises) where they met again just like what Jinhwan said at the last part. [(Flowers and Promises)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12442170) was about how Junhoe fulfilled his promise in finding and coming back to Jinhwan.
> 
> if you're still confused, ask away
> 
> moved to @jinhwanphobia uwu


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